So, my most recent development in my War against weight and about feeling better about being me, and about being happy in my skin is:




* drum roll*




I'm going to apply to be a contestant on the next series of the Biggest Loser.

Regardless of whether or not people like the show, I have been inspired by the people on there who have battled not only years of obesity and excess weight, but confronted their fears and insecurities. And I've decided that it would be the kick up the butt that i need to kickstart weightloss for me. And hey - getting access to a gym for 'free' for a couple months has gotta be good!! :D So yeah, pray for me, and if I get in - cheer for me!!

Weight for thought... I need to lose at least 30 kgs... :( Been watching the Biggest Loser this week, and have decided that I'm gonna apply for the next season of the show. I need to do something drastic to lose weight... :( So yes.. that's about my thoughts for today.. other than being VERY happy and excited that tonight, I begin my week's holidays :D yay! The possibilities are endless!!

Bethany Dillon is fantastic. She has a heart of gold and music to match!

Ever find yourself asking the question "where is God?" I do.

Firstly, you need to take note that this entry was begun at approximately 1.30am in the morning, after a long day at work, and an emotionally hard few weeks and and emotionally full-on 2 days.

I'm all coupled out. I'm sick of weddings, I'm sick of engagements, I'm sick of hearing yet another one of my friends has found someone to hold hands with and whisper sweet nothings in their ears. I'm so sick to death of hearing of friends having babies, and of friends planning what colour the napkins are going to be at their wedding. Not that all of this isn't exciting and wonderful, don't get me wrong. I'm just over it, and completely overwhelmed. I wish God would just call me to a life of singleness, rip my heart out, and be done with it.

I find myself asking does God really care about me? But perhaps the better question is do I care about God? Perhaps I've been too busy serving Him to sit at His feet and love Him.
Ever had a relationship or a friendship with someone who you absolutely adore, admire, respect and love, but they drive you nuts to the point of feeling like you want to throw them or yourself off a cliff? That's me with God right now.
I'm serving Him with all my mind and strength, and keeping myself busy, seemingly to distract myself from the things that really matter to my heart, and to my innermost being. I'm serving Him standing here in the rain all alone. I know He is with me, and He is what I need, and I know I'm probably not seeing Him as I should be seeing Him right now, but I need people too. God right now is probably more seen in my life as the waiter who brings me what I really want and desire, than the thing that I desire. Does that make sense?

http://blog.myspace.com/kellymadams - see the entry labelled "The right perspective" and subtitled "Loving the Giver more than the gifts". Food for thought. I saw Kelly say this at AGMF recently when her husband Jimmy was performing, and I totally relate to that. But I struggle with how to change my thinking and feeling about this, especially when my desire for that intimacy with a man is so screaming out at me from the depths of my innermost being.

This is war! In more ways than one! Tonight, as I sit at my computer with my tired eyes, but unable to sleep, I make a commitment here and now to:
* go for an hour's walk every morning Monday through Friday, then come home for a shower and to spend half an hour in God's word over breakfast before work
* take my lunch to work everyday or come home and make something at lunch time - no more buying unhealthy lunches!
* no more diet coke or softdrinks of any description unless it's lemonade and I'm feeling sick

So, those of you who live near to me and read my blog, please help me stick to this and keep me accountable! Love you all!

Will blog more later in the week, especially regarding some stuff I heard over the Easter weekend at AGMF. :)

Today is the day before all the craziness of Easter starts! As I write this, I'm sitting at my parents' house in my old room, waiting for my friend to arrive, so we can get her settled in here, and then head down and set up our stall at AGMF (Australian Gospel Music Festival). I'm really excited about it, as it's always a fantastic time and an awesome experience, but this year will be so totally different to any other year. The festival has been going since 1999, and I've been to every single festival, but I've never been an exhibitor before, so that will be a completely different experience!
Things I'm praying for and about this weekend:
* that people will be impacted by the music they hear and the people they meet
* that people will be inspired and motivated and excited and passionate, and will get a glimpse of God's love for people by the whole weekend
* that our stall would be used for the glory of God and that we as representatives for our organisation, would be gracious and loving and great examples of God's love
* for God's strength to overwhelm us this weekend, especially as both of us are quite exhausted
* for lots of people to come help us at the stall :)